You don't wanna know.
2006-06-16
2:28 a.m.
Lizzzygizzzy, because you asked: I am not fit for human contact. I feel like I have lost an arm or a leg. Definitely something missing. I want to call him one more time, or wish he would call me one more time.
Shortly after my dad died, I was very worried about him. Three nights in a row he came to me in a dream to tell me he was okay and he was happy. After the third night I told Keith about it, and I never dreamed it again.
Well, right now I'm pretty pissed at Mike for not doing the same thing. Can he not see how broken-hearted I am? I think it's pretty insensitive of him not to reassure me somehow that he's okay. And he would tell me there I go again, telling him what to do. :)
I have been on a multi-day crying jag, and I really try not to cry so much in front of the kids. Oldest Son has asked me if trying not to think about Uncle Mike would make it better. Maybe I just think I'm doing pretty well at hiding it from them.
Youngest Son is still wrapping his brain around the fact he died. He doesn't remember anyone else dying, and he's just trying to figure the whole thing out. Asks about it every day. The same questions every day. Rinse lather repeat.
Mom is doing okay. She's been back at work a little while now, and tells me every time we talk (which is almost every day) that she won't be moving or doing anything for a year. And she doesn't know if she'll move to Mississippi or not, because that's not home to her, etc. I just let her talk, because she's lost, too, and I know she has no idea what she'll do.
I'm going to be going back down there sometime this weekend, probably staying four or five days. May go to Baton Rouge to bring Oldest Son over there a few days. Mainly I'm just going to be with Mom, though, and maybe do some paperwork errands for her, if I can.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In house-related news (because I just know y'all aren't tired to death of this topic yet), Hubby decided yesterday to hell with waiting till the 19th to sign the contract with the relocation company, let's just sign it today (yesterday) and move this problem out of the way.
He called and asked for the contract to be faxed to us. And we waited a while and then he went to sleep. A few hours later the contract came through, but it had an error.
After a couple of phone calls, they promised to fax a new page with corrections out to us. Never got it yesterday, and finally at around lunch time today it came in. After Hubby was already asleep again, of course.
About an hour later, the Queen of My Shit List (a/k/a our real estate agent) calls to tell us the people that made an offer a couple weeks ago have a buyer for their old home, and they still want to buy our home. Which she thinks they'll qualify for now, since they won't have the other mortage, too. Gahhhhhh!!!!
The Queen also had the nerve to tell me that Hubby had told her about my brother, and between that and the house, she just knows we've been through the wringer, and she's ever so sorry. I wanted to suggest instead of the pseudo sympathy, could she lay off of working against us in the vanilla-ization of our home with the relocation company???
Yes, we will most likely make about $4,000 more selling the home to the buyers, but you know what? My sanity is shot over this house mess and wondering how we'll pay the double mortgages and utilities every month. If something happens that they don't qualify again and we have to make yet another month's notes, I may have to kick some serious ass. And guess whose ass I've targeted first.
And there's also that teeeeeeny tiiiiiiiny part of me that wants to tell the Queen: Guesssssss what. We've decided to sign the contract with the relocation company. That contract you're working on? Don't bother. That's right, never mind. And you should be receiving your Discharge of Services document soon. And I can't wait to fill out our survey on what we think of your professional services.
Then the realistic side of me tries to grab the knife out my hand as it heads for my nose just to spite my face.
3 comments so far Pattypat - 2006-06-16 07:56:52
It must be such a rough time for you right now. Can you take some time for yourself? I'm thinking of you and your family.
-------------------------------
Holly - 2006-06-16 08:06:23
((hugs)) I'm sorry so much is going on right now. Why does it seems things always seem to all happen at once?? I'm thinking of you.
-------------------------------
Grizmom - 2006-06-16 12:47:21
Someone once said to me in a time of trial and tribulation in my life "that which does not kill us..." I just wanted to smack her right in her pointed stupid nose. She never finished her sentence. (out of fear for her life I imagine) Perhaps the look on my face told her what I was contimplating? Anyway, hang in there. Allow yourself time to grief and remember. It will slowly give way to brighter days and warm memories. I promise you. Love ya PC.
-------------------------------