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When I count to ten, you will think thin thoughts.

2007-07-25
6:24 p.m.

Aaaaannnnddd I roll very near the end of another court term. This one has been so easy, it's hard to call it a term.

Today we had our first trial of the three-week term, and to my dismay there were cameras in the courtroom. Who invited them??!?!? I suspect our Assistant DA tipped them off, though she would deny that, I'm sure. In fact she made a "strenuous objection" to the judge, but the only thing strenuous about her objection was the use of the word strenuous.

I suggested to the camera man that he NOT get the court reporter in the shot, please. Hurts my feelings when I see that on the evening news. And no, I didn't watch it tonight to see if he obeyed my order.

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I did finally bring up the issue of weight with the counselor yesteray. I am amazed at how comfortable I feel with this counselor. I discussed my sneaking-a-treat-just-for-me eating, my too tired eating, my under pressure on a deadline eating, and my eating to avoid doing something I don't want to do. I tried to cover them all.

Then I filled him in on all my weight history and how I just can't keep myself dieting and exercising for more than a week, but truth be known I rarely even stay with it a full week.

And I told him how being so overweight was affecting my life in negative ways, such as not being able to go on theme park rides with the kids next week and how I'm always self-conscious even at the ball park when my kids are playing ball. I know I wear my weight like a huge chip on my shoulder.

And then I bade him to fix me.

He suggested I try going back to Weight Watchers again, but I pointed out all the ways I don't like it. And I told him how I read the South Beach book and was rebelling in my head while just reading the damn thing. He agreed maybe that wasn't a great idea.

Then he asked me if I had considered hypnosis. Well, no. And yes. I actually bought a CD set on hypnosis and weight loss, but never took the time to listen to it.

He does hypnosis, and on my next visit (August 10) we're going to try it. He described how he'll do it and how we'll talk about it beforehand, when I'll let him know what suggestions I would like to hear. Over this couple weeks until then, I'm supposed to think about what those suggestions will be.

Today I've been thinking about it, and other than the obvious -- eat fruits and vegetables, not Hostess cakes -- I haven't come up with much.

A client in Charleston told me hypnosis had cured him of smoking, and that has stuck in my head since then. Here's hoping it will help me with the fat issue, too.

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I can't remember if I've mentioned it here or not, but this week's jury pool drew three extremely overweight people, two women and one man. There's room for six jurors each on the benches where the jurors are lined up, and I found myself cringing that the two women were going to end up on the same bench and how embarrassing that would be for them when six people couldn't fit with them, too.

Today I cringed that any of them would actually be chosen for our jury, as those jury chairs aren't oversized, for sure, and how humiliating would that be, to not be able to sit there? Yes, I can sit in a jury chair, but there's not much wiggle room. And yes, these things go through my head all the time.

I think all three of the jurors are bigger than I am, but my judgment on that topic is so totally screwed up. I go days/weeks/months thinking, oh, I'm fat, but I'm not just huge. (And I am.) And then I have days where I think I'm bigger than those jury members.

When I went to retrieve some supplies out of the storage room today, I found my fingers itching to turn up the tag on one of the ladies' shirts to see what size she was wearing...she was on the end of the row and the tag was already sticking up slightly, and I could have done it quickly...

Over and out.


4 comments so far Megan - 2007-07-26 15:36:29
Gosh, I honestly do feel your pain. I went through that a while back (7 years ago). That's when I decided there was NO such thing as a magic pill, I was too old to be bulemic, and there was no such thing as a diet. My husband was actually my best wake-up call. His doctor said if he didn't change his eating habits, he'd end up like his father -- diabetic. It's funny, but just today, all over the news, the reporters are talking about how your best friend could be making you fat. I thought, how true! That was almost me - my poor eating habits was making my husband fat. We both became educated in nutrition and read books about healthy eating. Best diet in the world, and so simple too. Now we just make better choices, like salsa on a small baked potato, Splenda instead of sugar, Butter Buds (for baking) rather than butter. The weight didn't fall just off, but it did come off and stayed off. If nothing else you have to think about what you are teaching your children. I wish I had thought about all these things years ago. You go girl! I say whatever works for you, go for it. Just remember, whatever you start you have to stay with for the rest of your life or the weight will just come back.
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boom boom - 2007-07-25 21:25:34
i wonder about the sizes other women wear, too... and i compare it to what i wear.
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Heather - 2007-07-25 22:19:25
Maybe instead of concentrating on the foods you do want to eat, maybe you could think of ideas to keep you from eating when you don't want (need) to eat? Or of particular types of foods you'd like to refrain from? I'm just pulling ideas off the top of my head here, but is there any type of physical feeling, or a smell that could trigger you to not want to eat something?
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wannagowest - 2007-07-25 23:12:28
I'm really interested to see how your hypnosis goes. I've never heard of it being used for weight loss, but sounds like a great idea to me, especially if it works!
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