A not-so-wonderful parenting experience.
2007-02-21
11:39 p.m.
To my horror, I discovered today that Youngest Son shoplifted something recently. And that Oldest Son was an accomplice. Not exactly one of my proudest days of parenting.
I found out this morning in a roundabout way that Youngest Son had taken two ink pens from the Dollar General store we had visited in a nearby city about two weeks ago. I remember seeing the pens in the store, because they were somewhat unusual, but telling them no, they couldn't have one.
When I saw one of them in Youngest Son's closet this morning, I knew, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, where it had come from.
Youngest Son admitted it immediately, and Oldest Son confessed that he didn't know that Youngest Son had done it while we were in the store, but that later that night Youngest Son had shown them to him. He says he didn't tell Hubby or me because he didn't want to get Youngest Son in trouble.
(My jaw was dropping here, because Oldest Son loves to rat on Youngest Son any chance he gets, and vice versa.)
Hubby and I brooded about this all day while they were at school, but we knew exactly what we had to do.
When the school bus dropped them off, I was ready for them. It was a long slow walk down the driveway for both of them, since this morning I'd told them we'll decide what to do about this after school.
My list of chores was ready to go, with a monetary value beside each item. The boys cleaned the bathrooms, cleaned their rooms, emptied the dishwasher, dusted the bedrooms and the den, vacuumed the bedrooms, poop-scooped the yard, cleaned the litter boxes, put the garbage at the road, and vacuumed my car to earn $6. I knew it would cost less than $5, but I told them they needed to earn more, just in case the price had gone up since YS took them.
After they finished, we all went to the Dollar General, where Youngest Son told the clerk what he had done and that he was sorry, and he had some money to pay for the pens. He stammered and stuttered and turned red as could be, but he got through it. Ms. Bonnie (she told us her name) leaned over and hugged him and told him he had done the right thing and that she was proud of him and she loved him.
And then Oldest Son actually had the nerve to pipe up, "So we have a dollar and some change left?" before I fixed him with the glare that let him know there would be no treats today and I can't believe you thought there might be.
I think I feel a few more gray hairs on my head tonight. Some named in honor of each boy.
Tonight we've had a long talk about shoplifting and how you can go to jail for that. And discussed with Oldest Son what to do if he finds out or sees any of his friends shoplift, and that he's just as guilty as they are if he sees them or finds out and doesn't tell anyone. He doesn't go to stores with his friends by himself, but he's ten, and will be wanting to before too awfully long.
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In a shameful flash to my past, I have to admit that I shoplifted something, too, when I was eight years old. Remember that Brach's candy that was loose in bins in the stores? I shoplifted a pocketful of that just in time for my mother to see me do it.
She made me put it back, of course, but was so upset with me we left the store and went home. She and my dad decided that I would have to go back and tell the store manager what I had done.
I was just as ashamed and afraid as Youngest Son was today, and that worked for me. I didn't steal again, and I'm hoping the cure works on my kids, too.
Hubby and I agreed that after it was all done today, we would forgive and forget and not rehash it. My dad reminded me of it for years afterwards, and I was a long time getting over the shame of it. I don't want to do that to the boys. Just know it's wrong and don't do it ever again. Lesson learned.
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Okay, then. I think I deserve a stiff drink and some American Idol now, don't you?
Over and out.
7 comments so far m-lewis - 2007-02-22 11:01:08
Yep! Most of us vintage-type parents have been down that road who knows how many times. You handled it well, I must say. A least your children learned one thing -- forgivness. Hopefully they will pass this lesson on to their children.
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Fi - 2007-02-22 21:15:32
All kids steal at some stage. I know it sounds weird but you are lucky that it has happened and been brought out into the open. If they get away with it, it often leads to more. Getting a good scare early in the piece can stop even worse happening.
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cinzel - 2007-02-22 07:57:11
I'm glad I have a dog. :) Excellent parenting skills there.
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chocolate chaos - 2007-02-22 08:29:51
and you know, this is something they will remember, and make their own kids do. i think most kids try stealing.. but i doubt yours will try again!
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Kathy - 2007-02-22 09:19:13
I am always so relieved when other mothers confess to their children's imperfections. Thank you! You make me feel so normal!
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Holly - 2007-02-22 10:31:50
I went thru almost the same thing with Warren when he was 7. I made him return it, and he got over that real fast. Fortunately I kind of knew the people at the store and they were real good about it, but did give him a good talking to about what happens to people who get caught stealing. I think almost all kids try it once, if they are lucky they get caught and their parents lay down the law, making it clear what is and isn't acceptable.
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nycme - 2007-02-23 22:31:14
Aww. Bless Ms. Bonnie for the hug. You handled the whole thing perfectly.
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