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Deep thoughts about two ten-year-old boys.

2006-05-11
10:10 p.m.

Oldest Son came home from school today with some upsetting news. One of his friends has failed the fourth grade. This boy (who happens to share the same name as Oldest Son, only we call Oldest Son the nickname version of that name, while his friend goes by the actual name) has spent a couple of nights at our house, and he is a very polite boy, and appears to be happy.

The friend is a full head and shoulders taller than Oldest Son, and he looks every day of 14. In fact, I asked him how old he was one time, and he told me he was ten. His birthday is in October, though, versus Oldest Son's the following July, so he is only nine months older, but he looks far more than that.

Let me say I don't know his mom very well, but we are on smiling and waving terms, and we have exchanged phone numbers due to her son's two overnight visits at our house. Friends, though, no, we're not. Tonight, she waved at everyone as usual and then sat with another mom and just laughed and chatted away like any other day. I don't know what I thought she should or would do, but I felt sorry for her from afar anyway.

Next Monday night Oldest Son's class has an outing to a local movie theater in a nearby town. The movie they're going to see is "Hoot," and they have all read the book these last few weeks in anticipation of going to the movie together.

Oldest Son is beyond excited about going to this movie. And he doesn't want me or his little brother attending. Parents and siblings are welcome, but he's assured me nobody else's are coming, so we don't need to, either. :)

Monday night also happens to be the next game night for the Cosmetics. Oh, the decision. Oldest Son has wrestled with this in his mind since the coach called about it last night, but I told him tonight on the way to practice I had to know what he wanted to do.

He really wants to go to the movie, much as he is loving baseball. There are three students from Oldest Son's class on his baseball team, and the boy who failed is one of them.

There are now 12 boys on the team. That leaves only nine for Monday's game if all three go to the movie. Too close for comfort. The coach was trying to decide if he should try to reschedule the game or see if he could talk those three into attending instead of going to the movie. Unfortunately, the third boy was not at practice tonight, so he only had two to question.

First he asked the other boy's mom if he could be at the game. She didn't hesitate even a second before answering, "If you need him, he'll be here." When her boy turned around to plead his case for the movie, she ignored him, spoke over him, and firmly repeated her answer. The coach offered to pay her back the $8 she'd paid for her son's admission and popcorn.

When the coach looked at me, I first glanced at Oldest Son to make sure he still wanted to go to the movie. He answered me by pressing his face into the chain-link fence, I presume so no other player could see, and mouthed "movie" at me. I told the coach, "No, he won't be here Monday night."

I don't know what will be done about that game, but I know there's a lot more of them, and this is the only time Oldest Son's class is going to the movie together.

I heard the other boy's mom talking to him on our way back to the cars tonight, and I overheard her tell him, "Son, you better play your heart out in baseball and football, because you're going to need them. You can go to the movie any time." And with that, her son didn't say another word.

Since I overheard that conversation, I've been mulling the whole thing over in my head. Her son is one of the better players on the team. I'm sure some of it is skill, but a large part is because he's so much bigger than all the rest. When he does hit that ball, it is definitely way out in the outfield. His family constantly hollers out to him what a great player he is, and his dad is also quick to chide an umpire that calls a strike-out on him. I'm guessing they must see sports as his way into college, maybe. Or maybe it's his place to shine, since it isn't in the classroom?

I felt even more sad for this boy after tonight. He's only ten years old, and it seems like a path has been laid out for him, and with poor acedemics, that he's even more limited to that path. I really hope he finds he has more to him than having to excel at sports. I know there are many great players, but there are a lot more that don't make it than do.

I feel relieved that my middle-of-the-road baseball player and my non-honor-student-but-gets-good-enough-grades-to- keep-himself-out-of-trouble son doesn't have a sense of limitation like I think his friend might.

Since I am learning on the fly all the time at this parenting thing, I watch other parents. A lot. And I try and learn from those that I think may be making a mistake, because Hubby and I make plenty of those on our own. And I think they may be making a mistake.

I know this is long, and probably only y'all that know me are still reading, but I just felt the need to put this in writing tonight.


1 comments so far Bonnie - 2006-05-13 11:26:42
I think you made the right decision in letting your son decide. It's so sad to see parents and kids obsessed with sports, and he's only 10!
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