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One year.

2007-05-24
9:43 p.m.

One year ago today that Mike died. I never realized how hard it would be to lose one of my siblings. It sucks bad.

Mike was such a mixed bag, as I guess most people are. He loved to tell stories about how strong and smart and powerful he was, but he was all squishy marshmallow right below the surface. Even if you didn't know him well, you'd see that marshmallow pretty quick.

He had a knack for calling right at dinnertime, and then not let me off the phone, even though I reminded him we were eating dinner. So I started not answering those dinnertime calls, but called him back later. And he would tell me how he knew I just didn't answer earlier, and I would tell him he knew we were eating dinner, and we had this discussion over and over a bazillion times. I would answer that call at dinnertime now.

When I was pregnant with Youngest Son, I got a bad sinus infection and lost my voice for three weeks. My doctor recommended I didn't even whisper. It was an extremely lonely time. Mike was the only one that e-mailed me almost every day during that time, and I looked sooo forward to those e-mails. At that time he wasn't too computer savvy, and I know he probably had to make himself do it.

He also loooved to call me and tell me, Listen, don't talk. I just want to take the opportunity to tell you what a pain in the ass you are while you can't say anything back to me. He must have done that a dozen times, and it always made me laugh.

Mike loved movies, and he felt the need to tell you the. whole. damn. movie., including the end. My dad often commented he felt like he should give Mike half his ticket price back, he was so thorough in his review.

He loved his wife so much, and knowing they're together again gives me peace.

Sometimes Mike would make observations about our family that I blew off as his being too sensitive or too negative. Since he's gone, I've been amazed by a few things that have played out like he said they would. And I wish I could tell him, Ah, you do know what you're talking about sometimes.

Most of all Mike was funny. I don't know that I'll ever have anybody in my life who gets my humor like he did, because he had the very same sense of humor. One comment, one look, one eyeroll could have us both rolling on the floor laughing, our shared history making us partners in crime for so many years.

My brother Randy and I are very close as well, but his sense of humor is not quite as good as Mike's was. Mike and I both grew up fat, and I think that made us identify with each other more. Randy was always very thin, and has only picked up his poundage as an adult. Something I wished for hard when I was a kid, but I'm sorry for Randy that that one came true!

I've had people ask me if Randy and I are closer now than before Mike's death, and I have answered no. The three of us were always very, very close anyway, and Randy and I were already tight before Mike died and still are.

After Randy's wife Kathy died, Mike, Randy, and I all went to Randy's hardware store together to help him take care of some business that needed done. It was a terrible thing to lose Kathy, but I remember that day in that store feeling safe with us all there together, like nothing could happen to the three of us. Little did I know what was in store.

No matter what I've done, how clumsy or stupid or asinine, I've always known my brothers would stick by me or try to help me in whatever way they could. It's like having your own home team behind you, and I'm grateful for Mike being on that team as many years as he was. Doesn't mean I won't pout and rage and cry over the years we didn't get, though.

Hug your brother or sister twice next time you see them, y'all!

Over and out.


5 comments so far Pattypat - 2007-05-25 08:14:19
I'm thinking of you especially today.
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Heather - 2007-05-25 11:46:25
Awwww. Makes me wish even more than usual that my brother and sister lived closer to me. Thinking of you.
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Kathy - 2007-05-25 14:42:28
I'm so sorry. You know that I know how hard it is to lose a sibling. Even 11 years later. Wow. Almost 12.
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wannagowest - 2007-05-25 17:37:46
That was really touching. Thanks for taking the time to write that.
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Grizmom - 2007-05-25 20:01:18
PC, you make my eyes water and my bottom lip quiver. Although I didn't really know your brothers like I got to know you, your love for them, and your pain, is crystal clear and it makes my heart sad for your loss. Love and time change things, that's true, but it's never really gone. You always remember. Eventually though, I hope the pain will be much less and the laughs, love and memories will be so much stronger. Hugs Cuz.
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