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Poor me!

2004-06-06
3:04 p.m.

I've just come from Wal-Mart, where I have stocked up on all the things that seem to cost a fortune yet disappear overnight. No lie, I spent $117, and this was not a "big" trip. But I can now wash and dry clothes, shield my children from sunburns, feed them breakfast, and feed their cats. There's also a few meals in there, but other than that....

I was watching a woman throughout the store, and I became fascinated and envious watching her purchases. She received her 1/2 pound of ham in the deli at the same time I was requesting my 1 1/2 pounds, and I immediately started wondering if she was single, married with no children, or the only ham-eater in her home.

I stalked her throughout the food aisles and observed her selecting a small bottle of mayonnaise (the light kind, but of course), a small bag of rice, and a small box of plain Cheerios before safely concluding single. And oh yeah, I had to waltz by and see if she was wearing a ring.

Several aisles later I encountered her again, and I envied her life. I wanted to tell her, hey, you know what? I used to be single, free of any responsibility other than getting myself to either the office or the courthouse where I was supposed to be. Man, what a life! Guess what, too? For about 30 minutes of my life I was thin, too! I see you buying that light stuff...watch out, before you know it you'll marry, have kids, and be throwing in the towel on that thin shape. Okay, you might not, but I did.

And oh, I bet you get to sleep late, too, huh? Not me...nope. You probably even get to drink coffee and read the paper in peace every day, too, huh? Pick what you want to watch on TV, go to the bathroom by yourself, and get only yourself out the door every morning as well. And when's the last time you've changed someone's big boys for the fourth time in one day?

I bet you even get to have sex when and where you choose. Well, by the time you throw in 12 years of marriage and a couple kids in that mix, you'll not have that choice. Oddly enough, you might not care so much about that lack of choices then, instead thinking, okay, hurry up, I'm tired.

Ah, what a happy picture I could paint for her, huh? If she only could have heard the conversation going on in my head, I'm sure she'd have run screaming out of Wal-Mart. :)

I came home to unload groceries by myself, in the rain (yes, it finally rained here!!), and grumped my way in the door with a million bags. Where I was greeted by a newly-three-year-old who wanted to go outside and a seven-year-old from whom I had to demand help. Thought about single girl some more, and how lucky she was.

This weekend I have been such a shrew, and I'm not proud of it, but I can't seem to stop it, either.

There are so many good things about my life, and I know that. Right now I am just wallowing in my poor me-ness. Maybe getting it all out on screen will let me release some of this negative shit in my head, though.

I'm off to watch a movie with my husband, which will no doubt be interrupted many times. Hey, single girl, bet you get to watch movies all the way through, too, huh? Nope, not me.


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